Celebrating Wesley

"To believe in God is to know that all of the rules will be fair and that there will be Wonderful Surprises." -Ugo Betti

I can't help but think of Wesley when I think of my "wonderful surprises" from Heavenly Father.  Today, as we celebrate our baby Wesley, I thought I'd journal from the beginning.  I want Wesley to know that although he was a "surprise" baby, he was treasured from the start.  We can't imagine our world without our Wesley.

Back in September '06, the kids and I tagged along on Wayne's business trip to NYC.  Free lodging at the Marriott in Times Square, lots to do, we heart NYC...why not make the trip?  Crazy thing happened....  At about 2pm everyday, I hit a wall.  I literally crashed on our hotel bed, cuddled with Caroline and whoever else would nap, and told Christina to please hold the fort because my eyes were shutting.  Back home I remember having moments where I looked out our dining room window and cried....no reason.  All I saw was a tree.  I cried.  What was happening to me?!!

I met with my doc and told her, "I think I have Ebstien Bar.  My dad has been diagnosed with this and I'm feeling like I'm just zapped everyday at mid-day."  I told her of my mood swings.  My mom was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance, and I wondered out loud if this was what I was dealing with.  My doc asked if I'd like to talk with someone.  I said, "Yes!  I've got 4 kids who need a healthy mom who can care for them, and I feel like I need help.  Oh, and by the way, I need a refill on my Pill."

Days passed and I realized I would not be able to take those Pills for 9 more months!  I was in shock.  I told Wayne and we both wondered if this baby was to be the brother Thomas tenderly wished for.

My pregnancy was typical (for me)...months of nearly 18 hr. day "morning sickness" accompanied by a separated pelvis around week 25.  There were days when I couldn't walk.  I'd shuffle from room to room in great pain.  This came and went as it pleased and it's something I hope my girls never have to experience.  On one of my worst days I woke up and it was too painful to move my legs to get out of bed.  Wayne stayed home from work to run the show.  Christina's Activity Day's leader, Emily called to see if Christina needed a ride to Activity Days that evening.  Wayne answered the phone and mentioned that I wasn't feeling well, thus he was home mid-day.  Evening came and Emily came by to pick up Christina.  I shuffled out of bed to see what was going on for dinner and there on our dining room table was a homemade chicken pot pie, paper goods, cookies, and rolls all made by Emily.  I cried at the thoughtfulness.  I'm sure for Emily it was a simple act of kindness, but for me it was once again evidence to me that with the billions of His children to love and care for, Heavenly Father is mindful of me, sending His angels, seen and unseen, to lift my spirits and extend the Lord's unfailing love.  Since Emily's surprise dinner, I've tried to give more freely.

During my pregnancy and recovery, my sister, Sherry, sister, Julee Poppins, Leilani, Debbie bearing bags of baby boy clothes, Beth's carpooling, Ilene w/ her timely phone calls, and so many others reaffirmed the truth that we can be the Lord's hands and voice in extending His love. My sister, Shayla was pregnant at this same time and although her pregnancy was high risk and her baby was born micropreemie just days before Wesley, I was always touched during conversations when she would ask how I was doing even though she was under far more stress.  She even made Wesley darling booties, a blanket, and burp cloths (I think she was on bedrest doing all of this!).  When things were touch and go with her baby Viviana, she somehow was able to be happy for us when our healthy baby boy arrived.   .....so, so very thoughtful.  (Viviana just had her 1st b-day too and is doing wonderfully.)

But Wes hasn't arrived yet in this journal....

Toward the end of my pregnancy I went out shopping for baby announcement supplies.  I was well on my way to spending an entire morning in Paper Source!  My mind was reeling with my options for Wesley's birth announcement.  As I went back and forth between shades of blue and green card stock, vellum, ribbons, etc., I had the funniest impression.  It was something my Grandpa Ellsworth would have told me because it was endearingly blunt and disregarding of my intensions for a fabulous birth announcement:)  "He doesn't care."  What?!  "He just wants to come to earth, get his body, and serve the Lord."  That was that.  I chuckled at my impression and quickly simplified my plans and the announcement came together nicely.  

39 weeks came along and perhaps my body was convinced that Caroline was our last baby too, because there was no way it was going to prepare to give birth.  Without documenting the nitty gritty details, I will just say that induction was not an option prior to Wesley's due date.  If there was a way to get an accurate size of the baby prior to my due date, my other option would have been an earlier c-section.  That would have been nice to do while my big sis came to help me out, but ultimately I endured a couple more miserable weeks of shuffling around.  Finally, a few days overdue, I was able to go in for my induction.  My body still wasn't about to consider cooperating.  I asked my Dr. what would happen if I was a pioneer.  I mean really, if I couldn't dilate on my own, how would I survive childbirth?  "You probably wouldn't [survive]," she said.  So, there I was on my back with 18 hours of Pitocin to the max and it was generous to say I was dilated to a 3.  The Dr. said we could keep going on this route or we could do a c-section.  She had to leave to do a c-section and said she'd be back to find out what we wanted to do.  I knew there was no going home without a baby.  Not to be stubborn, but I really was in no shape to go on like this.  I could have fit 2 babies in my belly (or more!).    I asked Wayne to give me a blessing and in it I was told that whatever we chose to do would be in the best interest of my health and the baby's health.  Immediately following the prayer, we talked c-section.  I remember being calm and at peace during this decision making time.  I remember also being at peace that this would be our caboose.  My body had given all it could.  No matter what I do, I will never be the same physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually because of childbirth and mothering.  It's one of the few things in my life where I can honestly say there has been great sacrifice and I'm sure there is more to come (regarding the sacrifices in the process of raising our 5 children).  As far as the bearing of children goes, I know that when I stand before my Savior I will be able to say I gave all I could.

So, off to the OR we went.  Everything went smoothly, and then I heard the Dr. say, "Look at the size of this head!!!"  When a Dr. sounds surprised and shocked, it raises eyebrows, even eyebrows on painkillers.  From that point on, everything said was like a glorious fishing expedition..."He's going to be a big one!"  "10 pounds, at least!"  When I got my first glimpse of our baby, the tears flowed freely.  He was beautiful and I was in awe; not at his size, but simply in awe of him, my Wonderful Surprise.  Wesley cried and cried, and then Wayne brought him to my head.  Our heads touched and Wesley was silent.  I cried at the love I felt for him and for Wayne right there by my side.  Overjoyed, blessed, grateful, relieved, honored....all of the above describe my feelings at the time.  And that it happened to be Mother's Day was perfect.

Then came the scale.  Everyone was dying to see how much our baby weighed.  The numbers kept rising and finally landed on 11 pounds, 6 ounces.  The room erupted in rejoicing.  It was like a party and I felt like I was in a corner of heaven despite my literally awful condition.  As nurses and Dr's began clearing the room, Wayne and I offered our thanks many times over to each and every one of them.  They were all amazing.  As we expressed our thanks to the pediatrician, she said, "No, thank you.  You have a very special boy.  I can tell he is wise and there is something about him. Thank you for letting me take care of him."

Wesley, today I feel like echoing those words to my Heavenly Father.  I am so thankful to be your mother; to be the one to lead you through these formative years.  You put a smile on my face every day.  I'm thankful to Heavenly Father for giving me this stewardship.

Meeting your siblings.....Christina adored you, Grace found her "mothering" face, Caroline didn't know what to think about giving up the role as caboose,  and then there was Thomas.  I'll never forget the moment Thomas met you.  He was so calm and happy.  He insisted that you sleep in his room, so as soon as you began sleeping in your crib, you've been Thomas' roommate.  It's fun to see you two interact.  Thomas sings primary songs to you at night and you listen and doze off.   Sometimes you babble back and forth.  One day I asked Thomas if he knew how much you loved him.  Thomas said, "No, how much?"  I said, "Well, how would you feel about someone who wished and prayed for your existence as much as you have for Wesley?"  Thomas thought about that, smiled, and answered, "Oh."

So, Wesley, today we celebrate you.  You're a whopping 25 pounds of cuteness and love.  We love your "courtesy laugh," which for some reason is what we hear most often:)  We love the barrel of laughter, which you usually express while hanging out with daddy.  We love watching you flop around on our bed, laughing and cracking us all up in the process.  We love watching you speed crawl wherever you want to go.  You know you will find Christina in her room, food in the kitchen, a bath in the bathroom, etc.  We crawl race- I'm making the most of this stage before you walk....and as we race we laugh! We love your soft cheeks and chunky legs.  You can't stand being buckled into your car seat, but toss a blanket on you and you're good to go.  You suck your thumb with a finger hooked over your nose.  You go back and forth in the bathtub like Gus, the polar bear at the Central Park Zoo- and we all laugh!  You babble.... dadadada, mamamma, nananana, bubububu.  (Dad, Mom, banana, Bub)  In the car you lend your monotone voice to see if it will fluctuate as we go over bumps and potholes...and we laugh!  At times I find myself calming the kids while they tug at your legs and eat your toes while I'm holding you.  "It's too much," I say, only to find you with a huge grin on your face.  Oh, how we adore you!

Thank you for coming to our family, Wesley, and for completing our immediate family circle.  Thank you for teaching us that the Lord truly offers Wonderful Surprises in life, and for being a reminder to your adoring mother that great joy follows great sacrifice.

XO,
Mom